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An Open Letter To Rambo

By Ross S. Yosnow

—Ross S. Yosnow

Dear Sly,

I just got back from seeing "Platoon" and you wouldn't believe the crap that Oliver Stone put in that movie. I'm afraid that if too many teenage boys see it, there won't be much of a market left for your next, fine "Rambo" flick, and America might have trouble finding cannon fodder for a Nicaraguan adventure.

You see, Sly, "Platoon" has the nerve to show Vietnam as a really unpleasant place to be during the war. It also suggests that we lost that body-count driven conflict for reasons other than a lily-livered congress and a left-leaning press. "Platoon" showed that you couldn't win a war when one side was there until they won, fighting against a bunch of guys who knew from the day they go there exactly when they were leaving—if they could just stay alive that long.

Worse yet, It actually leaves the impression that some of our boys didn't really believe in the war, and that some did drugs to try and forget what they were doing there. Can you believe that?

I know that to someone who doesn't' even use steroids, let alone smoke the killer weed, that must come as quite a shock, but that's what the movie shows. Worse yet, Sly, it's true. And I ought to know. You see, I spent a year in Vietnam and Cambodia as a tank commander, and half the guys I knew smoked pot—or worse. And, as the movie shows, the pot smokers really were the guys who had friends from other races, and felt badly about destroying an innocent country.

But pot smoking isn't the worst of it. Unlike your terrific movies, which only show Commies getting zapped, "Platoon" really brings us down by showing guys in American uniforms being wounded and even killed. And these are white guys!

"Platoon" even has the audacity to show that Americans also killed other Americans in Vietnam. In fact, in 1972 the Department of Defense confirmed that 551 "fraggings," resulting in 86 deaths, occurred between 1968-1972. While I'm quite aware that this happened, I'm afraid that too much realism about the war may turn people off, then where would the Contras and the companies that make war toys be?

And speaking of war toys, what do you think about crazy groups like Veterans for Peace going around blaming you for the big increase in the sale of these toys? A kid couldn't handle one as big as the oversized gun that you carry anyway, so why blame you? Besides, didn't those bleeding hearts read the statement where you said you would never let your children play with those things? It's not your fault that Stallone the parent has no idea how much trouble Stallone the cultural icon causes. To para-phrase Dick Butkus, if you were that smart you'd be a doctor.

It seems that the one thing that "Rambo" and "Platoon" have in common is that they both upset Vietnam veterans. The difference is that "Platoon" upset them because it was so realistic while "Rambo" pisses them off because ...well, who care what they think. Everyone knows that those vets are chronic complainers anyway.

I guess that some of them are ticked off about the fact that you claim to be the voice of the Vietnam veteran, even though you sat the war out as a 4F coaching at a private girls' school in Switzerland before moving on to the University of Miami. But we know they're just jealous.

But don't you worry about that. Plenty of World War II vets were jealous of John Wayne but that didn't stop America's favorite celluloid soldier from leading every charge from Normandy to Anzio; and he was 4F too.

So go to Afghanistan with a clear conscience and help those freedom fighters rid their country of the Commie menace. Kill as many Risskies as you deem necessary, and don't worry about that those fuzzy-headed liberals think. And if Hollywood tries to make you look bad by nomination "Platoon" and Oliver Stone for Oscars, try to find comfort in what New York columnist Pete Hamill wrote the day the Duke died. "John Wayne was not a hero," Hamill reminded his readers. "John Wayne was an actor who played heroes."