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And the Battle Rages On...

By Louie De Benedette

It has been difficult writing this article since I suffer from anxiety and mood swings. I am a Vietnam-era veteran and know that many Vietnam veterans have suffered much more than I have.

Louie De Benedette and Marty Webster doing security at IVAW's Winter Soldier: Iraq and Afghanistan in 2008.

In 1965, I graduated from Seton Hall University with a BA in classical languages. In 1966, I received a Masters in Counseling. For what I thought were patriotic reasons, in the fall of 1966 I joined the Army. I was assigned to Officer Candidate School in Fort Benning, GA in 1967. But I was becoming increasingly distressed. I told my CO the war was immoral and that God did not want us to fight in it. (These were my exact words and I will never forget them.) He immediately called the executive officer and instructed him to take me to the psychiatric ward at the base hospital. Indeed I was sick, but still I knew the war was wrong. In a letter sent to my sister my CO said "such a sudden thing surprised us all seeing your brother is considered the #1 man in my platoon." I then spent 4 months in the psych ward forced to take Thorazine, a drug often referred to as the "chemical straight jacket." Convincing the doctors that I wasn't violent, they released me without a diagnosis and as the war raged on, I went home to Newark, NJ.

At home, I continued to protest the war. All across our nation, buildings and neighborhoods were burning over the civil rights issues, the women's movement was moving forward at a rapid rate, and the draft resisters were becoming increasingly visible on college campuses, and black power was becoming a significant force. Meanwhile, in New York City six Vietnam vets marched together in a peace demonstration carrying a banner that started Vietnam Veterans Against the War. That significant action took place in New York City and quickly spread across the country. For the first time Veterans were speaking out against the war and the senseless killing of both GIs and the Vietnamese. However, as the battle raged on, I had an attack in 1969 and was committed to the VA psychiatric hospital in Lyons, NJ. The buildings were ugly and menacing on both the outside and the inside. There were also huge intimidating iron bars on the doors and windows. I was assigned to a ward that was filled mostly with WWII veterans who had been victims of lobotomies. This made me very sad.

One night on the news, the TV reported the burning of draft files by Phil and Dan Berrigan at Cantonsville, OH. I was elated but the staff that seemed to be opposed to my political beliefs put me in restraints and I was medicated with injections. This went on for several days. I began to fear that I might become the next victim of the dreaded lobotomy.

An aide told me to request a sanity hearing, which I did. The VA Psychiatrist said I was a danger to society. When the judge allowed me to speak he made a decision to release me in two weeks and he would erase the entire hearing. I was grateful to the judge who apparently had some idea of the effects the war in southeast Asia was having on veterans and society in general.

In Southeast Asia the battle raged on. I returned home to Newark to work for the county as a Welfare Caseworker. During this time I continued my anti-war protest activities. However, in 1971 I had an episode and was recommitted to the same VA hospital. The psychiatrist gave me an anti-depression medication and I was released. Shortly thereafter, I had a massive episode while driving my car. Sadly I killed the other driver. The VA fired two psychiatrists for malpractice and the court never charged me. To this day I continue to feel sad and can never forget this incident. I blame the VA and the lack of adequate diagnostic care I required.

When it seemed the war was winding down, I felt I had had enough and joined a Catholic Monastery in Michigan. I stayed for five years with no episodes. When I left I joined Phil Berrigan and began protesting again. In 1981, I was arrested at the VA during an Agent Orange conference in DC. Fortunately I was bailed out, but still, I ended up once again in the same VA psych ward. Deep inside me the battle still raged on.

In 1986, I was in jail for a participating in a protest against the Contras in Florida. Fr. Roy Bourgeois, a Vietnam veteran and fellow prisoner, urged me to contact his psychiatrist friend. He is a retired Navy psych and he diagnosed me as Bi-Polar. He also prescribed Lithium and I did not have another manic episode until 2001. It seemed it took someone outside of the VA to understand my difficulties.

I went on a VVAW-supported Veterans Peace Convoy to Nicaragua in 1989. Much of my time was spent in Peru. Father Joe Ryan, a Vietnam veteran, had invited me there where I made many friends. I met a Human Rights Worker named Guadalupe whose husband disappeared at the hands of the military. Sadly in 1990 my friend Guadalupe also disappeared. And deep inside me the battle stilled raged on.

9/11 and the Iraq War however stressed me out and I felt I would be committed. The Lithium can only do so much. I fled to Nicaragua and even protested the Iraq War there. Suddenly I had a manic episode. My Nicaraguan friends sent me to the psychiatric ward at the Nicaraguan Army Hospital. I spent 30 days with soldiers. The treatment was good and they regulated my Lithium. Surprisingly there were no locked ward, no bars, good doctors and the VA paid for it. Finally the VA had done something positive for me.

When I returned home, I had to visit the VA since I had no place to live and I needed the Lithium. It had been 15 years since I was locked in that first VA psych ward. I was put back on Lithium and various other medications. Later my anxiety continued to get worse I was told there was nothing else they could do for me. To this day I still suffer immensely from anxiety and the battle rages on.

My sister Marlene deserves my deepest gratitude for standing by me. Without her I would not have survived the battle this far.

Years ago I made one of the most important decisions in my life. I joined Vietnam Veterans Against the War. My brothers and sisters are very important to me and have been a stabilizing factor in my life. We have organized and protested together and in 1980 I served as a Chapter President. My VVAW brothers and sisters have stood by me during some very difficult times. I am especially grateful to Barry Romo and Marty Webster.

Currently as the battle rages on, I am still a VVAW Contact in Ithaca, NY. I am also involved in protests against the drones and anti-war activities in the Mideast with the Catholic Worker. I also demand adequate treatment and health benefits for our veterans from the VA.

Louie De Benedette is a long time anti-war activist and a VVAW Contact in Ithaca, New York. In 1980, Louie was a VVAW chapter president. In 1986, Louie walked onto the base at Fort Benning, Georgia, and — along with Jesuit priest Bill Bichsel of Tacoma, Washington — chained shut the doors to the US Army's School of the Americas. He has also participated in many other VVAW and anti-war activities including serving on the VVAW security team during the IVAW Iraq and Afghanistan Winter Soldier procedures. Currently, Louie regularly participates in local and regional anti-war marches and protests against the Drones.