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20 Years Later: The Flight Back

By Edward Damato

—Edward Damato: Drafted, U.S. Army, May, 1966. In Vietnam, Feb 1967 to Feb 1968. RATT OP, 2nd Brigade, 9th Infantry Division, Dong Tam/Mobile Riverine Force, Mekong Delta, RVN. Honorable Discharge, Feb 1968. Enlisted in VVAW, August 1970.

Landing in Hanoi. It's a phrase that would have brought terror to the heart of a B-52 pilot. But for me it was a phrase that brought excitement.

Landing in Hanoi as part of VVAW delegation came 20 years after I landed in Bien Hoa on a different trip and a different country. As the plane approached the Hanoi airport I could see crated that remained from that war, bombed-out holes in the ground that could only be Vietnam. As the plane taxied to the hangar I saw a woman pedaling her bicycle alongside the runway wearing ao dai and, for a second or two, I felt like I was returning home, the senses fooled by their familiarity in my mind.

It hit me like a ton of bricks that what I was sensing was the Vietnam has been, in one way or another, the focal point of half my life. Starting as a 20-year old going off to the Far East to wage war in a foreign land, I would find Vietnam claiming a part of me again and again. For the first 2 years after returning to the U.S., Vietnam surrounded me on TV and in the newspapers. Then I heard about a group of Vietnam veterans who would be marching from Morristown, New Jersey to Valley Forge in Pennsylvania. I joined that march and VVAW; for the next 17 years I would either be demonstrating against the war or speaking of its lessons.

Now in 1987, I was landing in Hanoi to face up to this country that molded my outlook and politics. As we left the plane and set foot again on Vietnamese soil, I took a deep great and thought that for the next nine days I would be on an emotional roller-coaster.

It helped to dispel some of my mixed emotions that we were hassled by the bureaucratic customs agents at the airport. Bureaucracy is bureaucracy; filling out forms in triplicate with no carbon paper was enough of a bringdown that it helped to bridge the gap between seamy Bangkok and exotic Vietnam.

It was a roller-coaster ride filled with soaring heights and stomach-wrenching lows. It would be easy to write pages on my experience, but the editor would grimace, and my boss at work would resent the fact that I'm typing on their time. But there are a few things that stand out in my mind.

I was touched on our visit to Bach Mai Hospital when a doctor practically begged us to send a CAT-SCAN machine so that she and her staff could better served the medical needs of the people.

I was momentarily frightened when a slideshow ended with pictures of Siamese twins caused by Agent Orange and pitched us into temporary darkness: I thought this was where we would be machine-gunned to death as American war criminals. On the contrary, our hosts were gracious and understanding.

I was heartened to see children surround us while waiting for a ferry across the Saigon River, laughing and rehang out to say hello and greet these foreign faces. They looked extremely healthy and happy.

I was impressed with the pottery and lacquerware factories and the "new economic zone" farm, and the spirit of the workers and their working conditions.

I was thrilled to crawl through the tunnels of Cu Chi, and afterward, drag Barry onto an old American tank to have our picture taken so we could say we were on a tank together in Vietnam.

Twenty years ago we were foreign invaders. We looked at the Vietnamese as either "gooks" or incompetents. It was a stupid, acquired military view, belied by the admiration we felt for the fighters who would not give up.

Now, twenty years later, I had nothing but respect and admiration for our former "enemies" and their ability to separate war from the soldiers and the people from the policies of the government.

I came away from Vietnam this time in a much improved frame of mind. In a way, that 20 years of my life, the second 20 years, was like a book closed. It had an introduction, a story line and a happy ending. So now the next 20 years will come and go, and while Vietnam will remain a part of that too, it will be seen with more perspective and as a more satisfactory experience.