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Coffeepots, or the Case of the Complicated Device

By Ed Damato

Looking back on 1984, a word or two should be said about the Pentagon and their spare parts contractors. While budget cuts are on top of Ronald Reagan's New Year Resolution list, the Pentagon and their spare parts contractors are riding high on clouds of green dollars and $3,046 coffee pots. But while most people know about these extravagant purchases, not many people have heard company officials defend their products. This month's Reaganspeak Award foes to one such official: Ken Blakely, general manager of Grimes Manufacturing in Delray Beach, Florida, for his impassioned defense of his coffee pots.

"What you have here," he said of his coffee pots, "is a very complicated device." He added, "It doesn't have much resemblance to what you can buy at the local store.... There are some people who would rather go down to the supermarket and buy these items for an airplane," he continued, "but I wouldn't particularly want to be on that airplane."

Send Mr Blakely to any supermarket to buy a coffee pot and he's apt to come back with a washing machine.

But Mr Blakely's shining moment came when he said his "hot beverage unit" had to undergo extensive tests to meet rigid standards for durability without being affected by vibration, shock, crashes, temperature, altitude, and electromagnetic interference.

These problems are awesome, I'm sure. Electromagnetic interference has ruined more than one cup of coffee. And after a plane crash, the first think I could see myself doing is sitting amid the debris sipping that hot cup of freshly brewed coffee wondering why this particular plane wasn't as durable as this magnificent crash-proof hot beverage unit.

Congratulations, Mr Blakely. This month's Reaganspeak Award goes to you and will be presented to you by Mrs Olsen!

—Ed Damato
New York VVAW