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A Heart Felt Thank You

By Gregory Ross

Three out of five times it is a middle aged woman. One out of the other two will also be a woman; younger or older. The occasional man; well one in the total five, will invade my space; come up to me, like the women; grab my hand, shake it and begin to profusely, effusively, thank me for my "Service." If I hadn't already made a deal with the universe/god/my conscience to always have a pin or patch with Veterans For Peace on my body while in public to help assuage my guilt; survivor's and otherwise; I would think of going out in the World disguised as a "civilian," to avoid these heart felt thank you moments. As it is, part of my guilt is that I was never in direct combat but, anything identifying the wearer as a Veteran implies the worst to most citizens. At first I would try to explain my noncombatant/R.E.M.F. status to them. One more thing about the military experience they could not understand: why had it effected me so strongly if I wasn't in direct combat.

Over the years, I have responded in different ways. At first, I did not know what to think, what to say and would stammer something like, "No, don't thank me," and before I could say more they would insist on the thank you, over and over. Then I tried saying that I had not chosen to do the "Service," I had been drafted but, again, they cut me off. After a while, I got more adamant about getting my say. I tried things like, "You don't owe me anything..." but, before I could get much more out; I was steamrolled with a salvo of heart felt acknowledgements of their gratitude. After a while, I got a thicker skin about it and would say, "You are welcome" and move on as fast as possible. But, then their feelings got hurt. Their intentions were, after all good; mostly. Some were suffering from their own version of survivor's guilt and were thanking me to make themselves feel better.

Then there was a short period were I thought of responding with this line: "You are welcome. You know I killed that one particular VC just for you." A couple of combat veteran friends laughed at that, but were relived when I told them that I never had done such a thing. But, sometimes I want to shock the World.

I wear the Veterans For Peace button/badge, as I had said to atone, but also to support the cause and then on the least altruistic level because; I can never stop being a Veteran; never let go of War, so, why should civilians have the privilege of forgetting about war. There is a little "In-Your-Face" aspect.

The answer I now offer to people with "Heart Felt Thanks" is to say, "I did not want to go to war and I would hope that no one ever had to go again; as unrealistic as that hope is. If you really want to thank me, work for Peace," and then I hand them a card with the Veterans For Peace and VVAW websites and suggest they get involved or at least donate. I can't tell you how many people push it back into my hand. But, some take it and a few of those probably do at least make a donation.

The other day, I got another twist. The University of Iowa Department of English, which publishes the Iowa Review put out a request for veteran writers to submit to a special issue. I sent a few things in and waited the six or eight weeks for the polite rejection letter. The last line read: "Thank you for your service to our country..."

Gregory Ross was in the Navy, the Gun Line off coast of Vietnam with the 7th Fleet [1968-69]. Graduate of a VA drug, alcohol and PTSD program [1980]; Acupuncturist, Detox specialty [since 1989], laid off [2011], published in "Veterans of War, Veterans of Peace." Feedback: gandgandg@yahoo.com