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Fraggin'

By Bill Shunas

"Kill a Commie for Christ!" That idea wasn't too widespread during the Vietnam War, but it did have an effect on many of us. We were told that one of the reasons for our being in Vietnam was that Communism was atheistic, and we, like Christian soldiers everywhere, were off to do battle for God.

Looking back it seems funny. Funny—not humorous. It was a joke, a sick and cruel joke. Young men were deceived into going off to kill and be killed in the name of religion. You wouldn't think things like this could happen in 1980.

But wait! Right-wing religious nuts held a rally in Washington on the 29th of April. The idea was to hold a day of humiliation and prayer so that Americans who are not "right" enough would repent.

One of the organizer, Dr. James Kennedy. Explained some of the sins. He said that peace minded Americans have permitted the nation to grow weak. According to Kennedy, the Russians would kill 80% of us in a nuclear first-strike, while we could only kill 50% of them. We must repent before God so we can become powerful enough to kill more of them!

"Repent, for the time is at hand!" "Vengeance is mine saith the Lord!" Take up the gun and kill a (chose one: Commie, Moslem, adulteress, drunkard, Greek, Nigerian, Japanese, all of the above) for Christ! And all of you young men who are lucky enough to make it home—you can stop at Dr. Kennedy's comfortable Florida home and receive absolution.

I see where the armed forces are getting rid of C-rations. The troops are really going to miss those tasty delicacies—no more ham and lima beans. Some will still be able to enjoy them for three more years which is what they figure it will take to eat up the current stock. The C-rats will be replaced by freeze-dried beef with strawberries and pineapple-nut cake. My mouth is watering just thinking about what we'll get to eat when they cal us back in.

Speaking of mouth-watering delicacies, there are five restaurants in Washington that serve the best, and it's cheap, too. Sirloin steak for $2.65. Baked filet of flounder for $1.60. Eggs Benedict for $2.00.

The only problem is that these restaurants are restricted. They are inside the Pentagon, and you have to be top brass (making $45,000 a year and up) to get in. It's sort of like the Food Stamp program: taxpayer money goes to these hard-up individuals so they won't starve.

While the brass is living high, they certainly aren't forgetting some of the troops. The U.S. Navy, which has banned alcoholic beverages aboard ship since 1914, is going to allow the sailors on the USS Nimitz to have beer aboard ship as they float around the Persian Gulf providing a base for helicopters to go off to crash in the Iranian desert. Seaman will be allowed two (2) cans of beer every weekend! There should be some hell-raising parties now. Let's hope they all sober up before they launch their invasion of Iran!

Dr. Kennedy is right when he points to the decay of the military. Not only is there beer aboard ship, but the Navy brass is in a frazzle over what to do with Machinist Mate Lisa Ann Wolff. She was caught out of uniform—all the way out—in the middle of Playboy.

Unfortunately for the Navy, she was off duty so they can't figure out what to charge her with. They think there's something wrong when a machinist's mate from the destroyer Sam Gompers bares her top secrets to an audience of millions of readers and gawkers, but they can't find the right regulation.

I think they ought to leave her alone. If the Nimitz can have beer, the Sam Gompers should be allowed a playmate. More than that, however, does anyone think that if Machinist's Mate John Wolff had posed for Playgirl, anyone would have said anything?

GRENADE OF THE MONTH

This month's winner of the Grenade of the Month award is Ronnie Reagan, formerly of Death Valley Days and new quarterback for the Republican Party. Out campaigning for the presidency, Ronnie mentioned that it was too bad Vietnam vets were refused the GI Bill. While it's truce that the GI Bill is no bed of roses, at least there is one.

Ronnie's excuse for this blunder was that he listened to a retired Admiral and retired 3-star General. Just wait until the joint chiefs assure him that something as stupid as a rescue mission to Iran will have no problems whatever! As one commentator has noted, with Reagan you can walk through the waters of his mind and never get your feet wet. It would be funny if it weren't for the possibility that his wrinkled finger will be on the nuclear button.