Download PDF of this full issue: v7n3.pdf (8.6 MB)

Chip Says, 'No' to Daddy

By VVAW

Who will ever forget Margeret Truman playing the piano, or John Eisenhower spawning David, or John-John hopping around in the grass and his sister in her later years wearing see-through blouses in London? How can we forget Linda Bird dancing til dawn with actor George Hamilton while Lyndon was dropping bombs all over Southeast Asia or her sister Luci Baines hot-rodding around Washington in her parent's modest birthday present--a brand new Corvette sports car?

And then there was Tricia Nixon, the perennial Alice-in-Wonderland and her brave sister Julie on her "my father is not a crook" roadshow with her (here's David again) husband. We will always remember Susan Ford's high school graduation with her daddy as guest speaker and her brother Jack fondling Bianca Jagger while her brother Steve ran around the mountains in Utah in his underpants.

Now there's a new first family in the White House and the competition looked pretty weak, what with such a born again Shirley Temple running around--Amy Carter, darling of the diaper set. Amy Carter goes to school. Amy Carter climbs a treehouse. Amy Carter wet her drawers.

But little noticed was her older brother making the sacrifice of the century. Chip Carter stepped into the vacuum left by his illustrious predecessors and announced that he wasn't going to get his General Discharge from the military upgraded under his dad's new discharge upgrading program. But wait..let's give a little background.

In 1970 Chip was in the Navy attending their Nuclear Power School in Idaho Falls, Idaho. He and 53 classmates got caught smoking marijuana. So the chips were down and our hero got a general discharge. How he lived all that time with such a burden on his shoulders boggles the mind.

But in the spirit of self-sacrifice he announced that if he got his discharge upgraded people would think that he was taking advantage of his position as son of the President. So it looks like Chip will keep his general discharge.

Most people with general discharges have a hard time finding a job. Most employers shy away from any vet with other than an honorable discharge. And knowing this Chip is taking the risks anyway. The martyr.

So what will he do? But wait a minute..he's not just any vet. Chip is the son of the President and following through with his spirit of self-sacrifice he's only been traveling around the world standing in for his dad. And what a whirlwind life it must be. The guy must get real tired. So it's back to rest in the family home--the White House with a staff of servants that would make Rockefeller run for President. And if he gets tired of this he can fly down on Air Force One and drink a few beers with Uncle Billy...maybe blow a little weed too, in between eating peanuts and pumping gas.

Now if Chip plays his cards right he can get any number of jobs after he's out of the White house. He can cut an album with Margeret or he can patent and sell Amy Carter Treehouses. If he gets desperate he can always iron Tricia's pinafores or start a farm in Gettysburg with David. He'd probably enjoy being a "roadie" with the Rolling Stones, if he can convince Jack to introduce him to Bianca or he can ghost write John Eisenhower's next book, "The General I Almost Was." But whatever Chip decides to do we hope he doesn't let his class stamp interfere with making the right decision.